How big is it…?
In the south we call that a pissing contest.
Sorry, that wasn’t very charming or how a southern girl should talk.
But are those questions charming? Polite? Nosey, Nosey, Nosey…..Mind your manners!
Egos, pride, vanity… the American way.
I recently heard a phrase in a conversation that hasn’t settled well with me. It’s not shocking or the first time I’ve heard this phrase, but for me, enough already.
In the joyous occasion of a particular lady sharing the news that they found a buyer for their home and would be building a new one, another lady couldn’t help herself by blurting out, “Well is this house gonna be bigger?”
And I couldn’t help my head from falling and my eyes from squeezing shut and my insides cringing like I had sucked an entire lemon.
I’m sure it just flew right by other listeners and most assuredly the answer was desired to know by some others present.
Why does it bother me?
Because I have been all over this nation and what I see is an epidemic. A disease of the mind. Dis-ease with one-self and desire for what others have. A desire for bigger and better and next. A generation that is obsessed creating perceptions through imagery.
So, what if the answer would have been a big fat NO! What if it’s not bigger? What if we were downsizing because our kids are Headed off to college, or perhaps we cant afford the home anymore due to a job loss? Isn’t it something that instead of feeling embarrassed we asked a shallow question that we project onto them pity with something condescending like “Aw, well that’s great, good for you”.
I’m not knocking having a big home or getting a bigger home. Quite frankly, I could use a larger home right now! Between our ministry offices, 3 kids, a live-in ministry assistant, and the mister with his Bulldog, I could use at least one extra room just to hide in! I’m knocking on the motives that drive us to question those things….homes, cars, churches, followers, IG likes…..how much, how many? Is it more than I have or bigger, or better than mine? Is that the real question?
Why are we given to sensationalism?
In our twisted culture if what I say is not laced with sensationalism and doesn’t make the headlines, nobody cares. It’s not interesting.
I moved recently. Moving is exhausting and it’s one thing I think people will have to do in hell. Move and move again, pack and unpack.
So. If I was preparing for a move, let me make it real clear what I would want from a listener that is perhaps a friend.
I moved with intentions of getting into a better school district. My home aesthetics were not the priority although the home we found is a tremendous blessing and a retreat for our family. I could’ve picked a prettier home, or a newer home but it just felt like God said, “here”.
If I were to be in the seat of sharing my story, I would hope that questions about the schools or the well being of my kids were asked. Or how I was surviving another move. Or how maybe I would decorate it?
Not, how many square feet is it? Or
You can fill in the blanks right?
How much, how many, is it bigger, what is next …
What if next is about being in the right place, not a bigger place?
What if we were so present in our now that next is not a highlight, now is?
I wanted to share what was going on in my heart with you. Would you tune me out if I don’t open with a headline news.
I’ve been in that seat many times and have been let down by the response of friends. I’ve been let down by disinterest. I’ve experienced people change subjects and play the deaf ear. Honestly, I am quite sure that in my past I have been guilty myself of such foolishness so I’m sorry if it was you.
And so the search continues for a deeper level of honesty, deeper relationships, and a greater awareness of others. A better ear to listen, and a softer heart of compassion. And for the record, when we talk……I’m not really concerned with how much or how many.
Sincerity goes a long ways.